I have an amazingly great job, with great work and great bosses and I work with great people. It’s all great, great, great.
Well…
Just like any real-life job we’ve had our love spats and our kiss-and-make-up moments. Given the current state of the world, most days I am thankful just for the income it provides…however, I am now looking at an economy in which the cost of living is increasing at a dramatic pace, and my salary isn’t.
When I was married, the “amount of work + economy = less than what is paid” ratio wasn’t ideal but it was OK. As long as there were two incomes and we could pay our bills, we were good.
With the divorce my emotional stress level has been cut in half, and so has my income. I realized that I have been blessed to work at a job where the amount of the paycheck wasn’t an issue. I now have to calculate every penny, and have this constant thought in my mind that I might not have the luxury to stay at this job.
My job has provided emotional security (rest, redemption, healing), learning opportunities, and amazing friendships. But I am now looking at a situation where financial security is a priority, when in the past it’s never been.
I have done the Christian thing of praying, crying, waiting…and that’s where I am. Still waiting. The one thing I know is that I may never feel totally financially secure; but I do need to be financially responsible. I come to work every day and do the best I can, hoping that I’ll have many more days here but not knowing that for certain, because I don’t know for sure that staying is “financially responsible”.
I wrestle with this daily. Most days I feel bloodied and banged up, and walk away from the match still not sure who really won. I have guarded this closely and have gray hair over it, not to mention many “it’s not fair” temper tantrums.
This picture was captured over the weekend, during the Reboot Youth Leaders Retreat. I do a lot of event planning, and the actual event always reminds me why I do what I do.
More than once that weekend I was told “it’s great to see you laughing again”. I guess when I wake up every day fighting the fact that because of the divorce I could be forced to leave the job I love for financial reasons, the light quickly comes on as to why I haven’t laughed in a while.
This picture is horrible of me but caught a brief moment in time where job + life = good. The divorce didn’t matter, I was momentarily at peace, and Pat and I were united in a common goal: mocking Dave for his bowling abilities.
